We met in high school, english class to be exact. He had class before me, and we shared the same seat. Every day I’d come in as he was leaving, we’d say hello, but not much more. We were a couple of shy kids, both more the nerdy, academic, artsy types than anything else. We didn’t really know each other at this point, but when we talk about the little conversations in passing that we had years ago, we both admit having thought the other was “cute”. (Wow, if that isn’t high school for ya’, I’m not sure what is!)
A while after our english class conversations in passing, we were both invited to a party by a mutual friend. Everyone was outside, it was warm and comfortable, but the weather turned interesting that night… something we both ultimately would look at as a special time, something that reminds of just how special and unique this relationship was (and is now).
While we were at the party, several of us ended up sitting on a hammock in this friend’s wooded yard. We all chatted and laughed, and then, as if they had planned it (they swear they did not…) all of our friends got up and walked away, leaving just the two of us on the hammock.
And suddenly there we were, two shy kids with a decision to make… do we talk, or jump to follow our friends because we’re scared to death to talk. By some miracle, we both talked. That’s all we did for the rest of the night… laid in a hammock, talking the hours away. As we were learning about each other, the night sky was illuminated with lightning. Though we waited for rain, it never came. Just beautiful, stunning, powerful lightning.
He never asked me “out”. We never had “the talk”. After that, we just were, together, a couple. And in the time that we were together we loved one another. We were friends, we grew close, we talked and wrote and shared about our lives. He was my first love, and after having other relationships, we both would realize that the love we shared then, was unlike anything we would share with anyone else.
We were together from that time until shortly into our freshman year of college. We went to separate colleges, and we had email, letters, and chatting on AIM as our means of communication. For a number of reasons… primarily having to do with the distance, not being ready for the kind of feelings I had for him, and general insecurity being far away from one another at such a pivotal time in life when we were developing new friendships and learning so much about ourselves… I broke up with him.
Life happened, many years passed, we both experienced other relationships, graduated from college, and proceeded into our professional lives. He had a very long standing relationship, but never married. I married, was blessed with the most incredible gift of my daughter, but my marriage ended due to my ex-spouse’s infidelity. Through the years we thought of one another. We saw one another on rare occasion at get togethers hosted by mutual friends. I saw him while he was in his long-term relationship. He saw me in my marriage. He saw me pregnant. But, when we saw one another, we rarely even said “hello”. When I would see him my heart would race, my stomach would drop to my toes. And, I couldn’t speak. Try as I might, my voice was utterly paralyzed standing there. We both went about our lives, just as we should.
Some time after my marriage ended, we began talking. Neither of us were in relationships, but that wasn’t the focus of our connection. We developed a friendship again, and we wrote to one another and shared with one another about our lives, all that had happened, all we had hoped for, thoughts on the past, and the future, for each of us.
And after some time, as we learned and grew in friendship, we allowed ourselves to learn and grow in love as well.
Over the course of two years, we would develop an incredible friendship and relationship. We have become a couple, and a family. We have made each step in our relationship intentional and thoughtful. We have worked together to gradually develop our relationships as a blended family.
And, when he asked me to share the rest of my life with him, there was no other answer than “Yes!”. We’ve known one another in many different lights–as kids, and as adults, as friends, and in love. We have both changed in many ways since the days of our english class passing conversations, but we have embraced those qualities that have changed, and those that have remained. We are committed to this life together: to friendship, love, growth, support, and working together every step of the way.
You can guess with the history we’ve shared that we’ve had our fair share of challenges along the way, as everyone does. That’s one of the reasons we’re so committed to preparing more for our marriage than for our wedding day, a fun part of our process that I hope to share with all of you!
